Time...

Time heals all wounds, time flies, no time like the present......

We've all heard these cliches about time. For some reason, time has not been a friend to me lately. Not in the usual not enough time in the day, always running late way, but in a higher, unmeasurable way.

Olivia has been gone for 2 years and 5 months. In one way, that seems like an eternity. In others, it was only last night. Some days I'm happily caught up in our more pressing daily details, some days I can't help but dwell on what could have been. Most have moved on, many still remember, few understand the freshness of grief that is ever present in a parent's heart.

I think what brought this on was seeing a certain beautiful little girl this past Sunday at church. There is a couple who we see on occasion who had a sweet little girl born on November 20, 2007, at almost the precise time we were having Olivia's graveside service. The only reason I know is because both the mom and the baby were in great distress during delivery, and there was some discussion of it that day. They are a SWEET family, and I am SO glad the Lord graciously looked down and touched both of them that day and allowed them to be healthy. But, at the same time, that sweet little girl is the constant reminder of what could have been. We have seen them at different times over the last couple of years. The first time was only a few weeks after she was born and her sweet family tried to shield me from even seeing her, as to not upset us. (That's just HOW sweet this family is!!)

Most times when we see them, I just try not to think too much. But for some reason, this time, I couldn't help but stare. In my mind, Olivia is still a newborn. I think that's why I had such a hard time when EK was a baby. It seems like I have bonded so much more with her since she has gotten older and grown into her own precious (but feisty) self! Seeing this little girl bee-bopping around, going from person to person, snacking, playing with babies, etc. made me really stop and think about what Olivia would be like now. How would our lives be different? What would she look like? Abby and EK couldn't look any different - would she have looked like one of them? What would her personality be? Abby was always a pleaser - EK only pleases herself :)

This morning as we were leaving for school, EK was exceptionally happy and kissing all over Abby and making goofy faces. Abby looked at her and said, "EK you are the cutest little sister I ever had". She immediately looked up at me and almost apologizing said, "Well Mommy, you know I never got to see Olivia. I'm sure she's cute too. I bet she looks like that little girl that sat in front of us at church Sunday". I told her I was sure she did..........as I tried to hide the tears.

I've cried tears today that I didn't know I needed to cry, but all the same our life is as the Father intended it. In that I will place my trust.

Guess what - time doesn't heal all wounds, but thankfully we have a gracious savior who is there to cushion us from the fall and hold us until it doesn't hurt as bad. Time does fly, but the BIG moments in your life will always seem like they were yesterday. There's no time like the present - now more than ever I want to cherish and remember every day, moment and time with my girls. The Lord has given us these blessings to cherish (even on the days where they scream and cry in the car seat for 2 hours)!