Here are a couple of shots Marty just sent me!!
We had Easter pictures made today - yes in the 50 degree wind! That's what happens when you schedule outdoor pictures. You just roll with it! I can't wait to get them back and share with you. Our friend Marty made them outside with a live lamb (which we kept calling a goat:))
As my mom and I stood in the freezing wind acting like crazy people trying to get Ellie Kate to look and smile and Abby to do the same, I had a thought of last year. I buy most of the girls clothes off season when they are on sale (it's the only way I can half way afford my diva habits!) Anyway, I had Abby's dress all picked out, and already had plans that Olivia could wear one of Abby's Strasburg dresses that would coordinate from when she was a baby. When Easter morning came, we did the usual Easter bunny stuff and then rushed to get everyone looking their best and hopefully make it to church on time! After we got in the car and were on my way, I had a moment to reflect. That's when it hit me - the white and off white smocked Strasburg dress that I was supposed to be putting on a baby that morning. I was able to hold it in until we got Abby out of the car, and then the flood came. Stewart looked and said, "the dress?" I nodded, took my time to regain composure and tried to go on with the rest of the day.
After a loss, the strangest things can bring back those memories. Some days you can predict and be somewhat prepared for like birthdays, Mother's Day, etc. but sometimes it just comes out of no where.
Fast forward past last Easter to the summer. We had just completed our 20 week ultrasound at the High Risk Complications Clinic at UAB. Everything looked perfectly normal and healthy and we were expecting another little girl. I had already decided that I wouldn't make any preparations for this baby, even if everything seemed to be on track. I just wasn't confident enough to do that and I couldn't bear the thought of taking down another nursery and packing everything away again. For some unknown reason that Saturday, I found myself in Strasburg. They were having a sale (my favorite kind!) and I was looking for Abby some dresses for the next season. The sweet salesgirl had no knowledge of what we had been through and just knew I was expecting. She immediately started trying to predict what size Abby and the new baby would be this spring and trying to find matching dresses on clearance for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her not to bother because that would mean explaining everything, etc. Well she came up with the most beautiful purple smocked dresses complete with a hair bow for Abby and a bonnet for the baby. I was just SO ready to get out of there that I bought them and hurried out of the store. Part of me wanted so desperately to LOVE those dresses and believe that we would need them BOTH this Easter. In reality, I all but had a panic attack sitting in the parking lot. I called my mom and told her what was going on. I remember asking her what was I thinking buying these dresses that someone would have to take back and try to explain why we didn't need them anymore. She very sternly told me to stop! God love my mother - she, in no uncertain terms, told me that God is NOT the author of confusion. I was to go home, hang those dresses up and use them as my step of faith! Anytime I needed reassurance I was to look at those dresses and have faith that we would be seeing two beautiful little girls in them very soon.
I did that. To be honest, most days that I had the courage to open the closet and look at the dresses it was in total fear. But gradually, as the days wore on, I was able to look at those matching dresses and think, "maybe".
Well, today that dream happened! Another prayer answered. It may seem insignificant to pray over Easter dresses but it was really about the fact that there is a healthy baby here to wear that beautiful dress! I can't wait to share the pictures with you, but to be honest they could have both sat there with snotty noses crying and it still would have been the most precious picture imaginable to me!
Easter signifies so much to Christians - what a perfect season to celebrate all the innumerable things God has done for all of us! I hope everyone enjoys all the upcoming activities over the next couple weeks!
As my mom and I stood in the freezing wind acting like crazy people trying to get Ellie Kate to look and smile and Abby to do the same, I had a thought of last year. I buy most of the girls clothes off season when they are on sale (it's the only way I can half way afford my diva habits!) Anyway, I had Abby's dress all picked out, and already had plans that Olivia could wear one of Abby's Strasburg dresses that would coordinate from when she was a baby. When Easter morning came, we did the usual Easter bunny stuff and then rushed to get everyone looking their best and hopefully make it to church on time! After we got in the car and were on my way, I had a moment to reflect. That's when it hit me - the white and off white smocked Strasburg dress that I was supposed to be putting on a baby that morning. I was able to hold it in until we got Abby out of the car, and then the flood came. Stewart looked and said, "the dress?" I nodded, took my time to regain composure and tried to go on with the rest of the day.
After a loss, the strangest things can bring back those memories. Some days you can predict and be somewhat prepared for like birthdays, Mother's Day, etc. but sometimes it just comes out of no where.
Fast forward past last Easter to the summer. We had just completed our 20 week ultrasound at the High Risk Complications Clinic at UAB. Everything looked perfectly normal and healthy and we were expecting another little girl. I had already decided that I wouldn't make any preparations for this baby, even if everything seemed to be on track. I just wasn't confident enough to do that and I couldn't bear the thought of taking down another nursery and packing everything away again. For some unknown reason that Saturday, I found myself in Strasburg. They were having a sale (my favorite kind!) and I was looking for Abby some dresses for the next season. The sweet salesgirl had no knowledge of what we had been through and just knew I was expecting. She immediately started trying to predict what size Abby and the new baby would be this spring and trying to find matching dresses on clearance for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her not to bother because that would mean explaining everything, etc. Well she came up with the most beautiful purple smocked dresses complete with a hair bow for Abby and a bonnet for the baby. I was just SO ready to get out of there that I bought them and hurried out of the store. Part of me wanted so desperately to LOVE those dresses and believe that we would need them BOTH this Easter. In reality, I all but had a panic attack sitting in the parking lot. I called my mom and told her what was going on. I remember asking her what was I thinking buying these dresses that someone would have to take back and try to explain why we didn't need them anymore. She very sternly told me to stop! God love my mother - she, in no uncertain terms, told me that God is NOT the author of confusion. I was to go home, hang those dresses up and use them as my step of faith! Anytime I needed reassurance I was to look at those dresses and have faith that we would be seeing two beautiful little girls in them very soon.
I did that. To be honest, most days that I had the courage to open the closet and look at the dresses it was in total fear. But gradually, as the days wore on, I was able to look at those matching dresses and think, "maybe".
Well, today that dream happened! Another prayer answered. It may seem insignificant to pray over Easter dresses but it was really about the fact that there is a healthy baby here to wear that beautiful dress! I can't wait to share the pictures with you, but to be honest they could have both sat there with snotty noses crying and it still would have been the most precious picture imaginable to me!
Easter signifies so much to Christians - what a perfect season to celebrate all the innumerable things God has done for all of us! I hope everyone enjoys all the upcoming activities over the next couple weeks!
5 comments:
I totally get what you mean with your post Stephanie. I felt the same way with my losses and even with my mother. The smallest things makes me think of her. EVeryone ask about Christmas or T'giving how I handled it and you know I think to myself, it was taking my kids for pictures alone and leaving the pediatrician witha sick kid and not being able to call my mom or the kids doing or saying something funny and I grab the phone, the smallest moments and happenings make you so sad and feel so helpless to the grief. Such a beautiful post and so easy to relate to, I couldn't attach or get excited about any of my pregnacies, too much of a fear factor there.
Stephanie,
What a beautiful story. I, too, had that fear of attachment when I was pregnant with Lily. I believe God sometimes puts us in those situations to force us to trust him (I believe he did that to me during Lily's pregnancy). What a sweet mother you have! Her advice was right on.
I'm sure those girls are beautiful in their dresses!
Amy
You didn't tell me the story about the dresses....if I had known - you would have had tons of shots. I think we need to do more...ON A WARM DAY!!! :)
Easter pictures can be so much fun!
Stephanie I love reading your posts!! They are always so uplifting and you always seem to find a silver lining. You are an inspiration with a wonderful testimony. It is so easy to see the love of Jesus shining in your life!!
Judy Painter
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