Living to Press Fast-Forward

Seriously - what next?? I just read my last post about catching up. That has SO not happened!! Since then, I was sick and in THE BED for four days! That just isn't normal for me! It started as a monster kidney/UT infection complicated by a terrible reaction to antibiotics and ending with a trip to the ER with unexplained, extreme pain. That diagnosis is still up in the air. Lordy, you know when you have to ship the kids off to Mimi's just to survive, it's NOT a good weekend!!

Friday night we went to a singing to see New Harmony. It was nice to go to a singing and not sing (although we did end up singing - I guess that will always happen!) We got to see Kensley - Abby was SO excited to sit and talk with her. A slumber party is planned for VERY soon! Ellie Kate was also surprisingly good. She is typically a MONSTER at church - seriously, no exaggeration! With our singing schedule spinning back up again I was more than a little apprehensive of what she would be like. Well, evidently there is much more to keep her attention at a singing than at church because she was VERY good!

Saturday started out beautiful! The weather was perfect, it was just me and the girls, we were enjoying some "normal". We even went to Gigi's cupcakes together - just me and the girls! (I would have pictures, but 2 girls, 1 Mom and 4 cupcakes did not leave time or hands for a camera!!) Then came that night. We went out to eat with some friends, and Abby just wasn't right. Then I saw THE look - I jumped, grabbed her, ran for the bathroom, but TOO LATE! Here comes a stomach bug - eeeewwwww. That poor baby was SO sick that night. I ended up just laying in her bedroom floor because it was wearing me out jumping and running every 45 minutes. Sunday wasn't much better. At one point, the on-call weekend nurse even suggested we take her to the ER. We were able to safely wait it out. She is better tonight and might go back to school tomorrow. So far, none of the rest of us have caught it. I'm still hoping and praying on that one.

Living to fast-forward - that's what I've felt like for the last few weeks. Wanting to fast forward through a busy work week to a restful weekend. Wanting to fast forward through a sick weekend to get back to a "normal" week. Wanting to fast forward to skip the waiting and hoping that no one else will catch the "cooties". I feel like I've been living behind the "8" ball waiting to see what will strike next. Mommy Panic isn't fun. I know this, but yet I've allowed myself to sink back into it, again. When will I learn?? God has EVERYTHING under control!! From all the big stuff to the tiny stuff. When I was fighting the storm of our life, the tiny battle of fighting off a stomach bug seemed trivial. At least in that battle you knew the enemy and ultimately knew there was an end.

Why then, have I let the last few weeks send me into a whirlwind?? I know, I know - we've had a TERRIBLE winter health-wise. In my pediatrician's words, "It's a really high viral load this winter and you seem to be in the center of it!" It's only natural to not enjoy sick times, times when every schedule falls by the wayside, laundry piles to the sky, Girl Scout cookies go undelivered, and holding back the onset of chaos is about all you can manage in a week. It has been rough! But it is during these rough times that I wish I could rest and rely on what I know to be true - God is faithful. I say this, I reference this to others, but my actions aren't proving me out these days. Panic is confusion - the Lord is not the author of confusion (Please excuse me if I'm preaching to only myself right now!)

What's even more eye opening is that my confusion isn't just sickness related. Again, maybe this post is just for my own benefit, but I find myself in the middle of a whirlwind of confusion in my mind right now. It seems I can't find that "sweet spot" in my spirit - that place where you are confident in your relationship with God, your armory of Devil fighting weapons is full and you are ready to shine your light in a dark world. I love God more than ever - He has provided everything I've ever needed and even a few things I've wanted over the years. It just seems like lately, there have been many detractors to this love. Man can clarify or cloud this love - seems like I've been in the middle of some clouds lately. It's easy to stand back and place blame, but ultimately my relationship and my love of MY God is in MY control. The surrounding circumstances are just that - circumstances. They do not and can not define my relationship with God and the benefits of love, joy and peace that come with it!

Oh Lord I pray for you to help me search through the clouds for your love and focus only on that. All of the other stuff is just that - stuff. You will take care of it all in your time!

In the meantime, I am trying to refocus through the clouds and praying for spring!! I need some natural sun to clean out the cooties, and spiritual SON to clean out everything else!!!