Happy Birthday Ellie Kate!

Oh me what a day........Miss EK's birthday is being spent as a patient at Huntsville Hospital for Women and Children. She has been diagnosed with respiratory distress brought about by asthma. ASTHMA??? I have NO frame of reference on this one.......I'm sure I'll be googling my heart out very soon, but right now we've just got to get her to keep her blood oxygen level up without supplemental O2. Right now it's 2:44 AM and we're watching Elmo for the 300th time while we play with stickers and try to forget about all the yucky things that are stuck in her. Sleep does not look promising yet........cabin fever for this wild 2 year old is imminent!

Flash back........

Two years ago today was the day of the rainbow for our family! The previous year had been racked with grief, nearly uncontrollable anxiety about the unplanned pregnancy that was about to be over, the death of my precious Grandaddy, and the impending home going of Stewart's dad. Let's just say the end of 2007 and 2008 were nothing to write home about!!

We were scheduled for a csection at 38 weeks. CSection because emotionally I didn't think I could go through labor again; 38 weeks because we lost Olivia at 38 weeks and 4 days. For the previous 2 weeks, I came every other day for non-stress tests. Everything about this pregnancy looked perfect - no cause for alarm. But you have to understand, so did Olivia's right up until the delivery itself.

So here we were. Back at the hospital where we had just been. I had requested my favorite nurse Kris. She was there when Abby was born, she actually delivered Olivia and was the person to break the tragic news to me, and I wanted her with us again to hopefully come full circle. She was on top of her game this day. She had my monitor turned up loud enough to hear it in Scottsboro just to ease my jitters. She kept me informed on every step of the process, and tried her best to keep a positive vibe going all the while knowing I was just about to lose it - completely.

It was time - we had to go to the operating room which meant they had to take the monitor off. It's only like 2 minutes down the hall to the operating room, but I was convinced that this was the beginning of the end. We got to the OR, and the team was SO sweet. They all knew the situation and they didn't hide it. I got constant updates and perky, cheerleader-like encouragement while everything was being prepped. At one point, my blood pressure dropped and I started passing out. As I came back to I was just overwhelmed with anxiety. Stewart knew I was going off the deep end. He leaned his head down next to mine and started praying in my ear for the Lord to comfort me. And then I did what probably no one else did - I started singing. That's what I do - sing. There was a song that I had sung day and night to help keep me centered on the good things the Lord was doing and not on the chaos the devil was trying to create. After about 2 rounds of the song I heard it - a baby cried. She cried...........something taken for granted in every L&D department everywhere, but a sound I never thought I'd hear again. And Kris cheered :)

Fast forward 2 years.......

Even as I sit here in this same hospital today, some demons are still here. I couldn't help it today as we got her all checked in - the flashbacks began to roll. Stewart was on his way, but I had to fight this one myself. EK was not critical, but it's still SO hard to see your baby sick and all the MANY things they do to them in the name of getting better. As I tried to process everything that was going on and deal with the past demons, Stewart texted me that I needed to remember that even though this was the place of our tragedy, this was also the same place that gave us EK!

EK is our rainbow and our thunderstorm all at the same time. She's feisty, stubborn, and can throw the loudest and strongest fit of any 2 year old I know. At the same time, she can melt your heart with her little looks and can crack up every passing person with her VERY verbal account of everything that is going on and repeating everyone's name in a strange little - almost Asian lady at the Chinese buffet - accent.

So we have come full circle in two years. Are all the demons gone - no. Will they ever be - I don't know. I do know that I have more to be thankful for now than then. I would like to think I've crossed some bridges and mountains that might pave the road for someone else who will surely walk this lonely road behind me.

There was a Minnie Mouse party that was cancelled Friday night and Princess on Ice tickets today that Mimi and Abby will be enjoying alone. But here in room 461, we have a feisty little rainbow to thank the Lord for everyday, and plenty of yummy cupcakes to go around.

Happy birthday my rainbow - we'll have a real party soon - promise :)